Limericks by Edward Lear

There was an Old Man with a nose,

Who said, “If you choose to suppose

That my nose is too long, you are certainly wrong!”

That remarkable Man with a nose.

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There was a Young Person of Smyrna,

Whose Grandmother threatened to burn her;

But she seized on the Cat, and said, “Granny, burn that!

You incongruous Old Woman of Smyrna!”

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There was an Old Man on a hill,

Who seldom, if ever, stood still;

He ran up and down in his Grandmother’s gown,

Which adorned that Old Man on a hill.

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There was an Old Person of Chili,

Whose conduct was painful and silly;

He sate on the stairs, eating apples and pears,

That imprudent Old Person of Chili.

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There was an Old Man with a gong,

Who bumped at it all the day long;

But they called out, “Oh, law! you’re a horrid old bore!”

So they smashed that Old Man with a gong.

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There was an Old Man of Kilkenny,

Who never had more than a penny;

He spent all that money in onions and honey,

That wayward Old Man of Kilkenny.

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There was an Old Man of Columbia,

Who was thirsty, and called out for some beer;

But they brought it quite hot, in a small copper pot,

Which disgusted that man of Columbia.

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There was an Old Man in a tree,

Who was horribly bored by a Bee;

When they said, “Does it buzz?” he replied, “Yes, it does!

It’s a regular brute of a Bee.”

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There was an Old Lady of Chertsey,

Who made a remarkable curtsey;

She twirled round and round, till she sank underground,

Which distressed all the people of Chertsey.

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There was a Young Lady whose chin

Resembled the point of a pin;

So she had it made sharp, and purchased a harp,

And played several tunes with her chin.

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There was an Old Man with a flute,—

A “sarpint” ran into his boot!

But he played day and night, till the “sarpint” took flight,

And avoided that Man with a flute.

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There was a Young Lady of Portugal,

Whose ideas were excessively nautical;

She climbed up a tree to examine the sea,

But declared she would never leave Portugal.

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There was an Old Person of Ischia,

Whose conduct grew friskier and friskier;

He danced hornpipes and jigs, and ate thousands of figs,

That lively Old Person of Ischia

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There was an Old Man of Vienna,

Who lived upon Tincture of Senna;

When that did not agree, he took Camomile Tea,

That nasty Old Man of Vienna.

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There was an Old Man in a boat,

Who said, “I’m afloat! I’m afloat!”

When they said, “No, you ain’t!” he was ready to faint,

That unhappy Old Man in a boat.

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There was an Old Person of Buda,

Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder,

Till at last with a hammer they silenced his clamor.

By smashing that Person of Buda.

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There was an Old Man of Moldavia,

Who had the most curious behavior;

For while he was able, he slept on a table,

That funny Old Man of Moldavia.

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There was an Old Person of Hurst,

Who drank when he was not athirst;

When they said, “You’ll grow fatter!” he answered “What matter?”

That globular Person of Hurst.

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There was an Old Man of Madras,

Who rode on a cream-colored Ass;

But the length of its ears so promoted his fears,

That it killed that Old Man of Madras.

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There was an Old Person of Dover,

Who rushed through a field of blue clover;

But some very large Bees stung his nose and his knees,

So he very soon went back to Dover.

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There was an Old Person of Leeds,

Whose head was infested with beads;

She sat on a stool and ate gooseberry-fool,

Which agreed with that Person of Leeds.

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There was an Old Person of Cadiz,

Who was always polite to all ladies;

But in handing his daughter, he fell into the water,

Which drowned that Old Person of Cadiz.

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There was an Old Man of the Isles,

Whose face was pervaded with smiles;

He sang “High dum diddle,” and played on the fiddle,

That amiable Man of the Isles.

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There was an Old Person of Basing,

Whose presence of mind was amazing;

He purchased a steed, which he rode at full speed,

And escaped from the people of Basing.

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There was an Old Man who supposed

That the street door was partially closed;

But some very large Rats ate his coats and his hats,

While that futile Old Gentleman dozed.

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There was an Old Person whose habits

Induced him to feed upon Rabbits;

When he’d eaten eighteen, he turned perfectly green,

Upon which he relinquished those habits.

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There was an Old Man of the West,

Who wore a pale plum-colored vest;

When they said, “Does it fit?” he replied, “Not a bit!”

That uneasy Old Man of the West.

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There was an Old Man of Marseilles,

Whose daughters wore bottle-green veils:

They caught several Fish, which they put in a dish,

And sent to their Pa at Marseilles.k